That is our culture. We live in between bits & bytes and 1s & 0s.
Headphones in. Eyes down. Screen in hand. Hood up.
Together, yet alone.
Constantly scrolling, chasing dopamine.
More connected than we’ve ever been, yet more lonely than ever before.
We are so engulfed by the capabilities and conveniences of our modern technology, that we forget to stop and take in the beauty of real life.
We spend more time staring at screens than we do gazing at the stars. We spend more time surfing the web than we do exploring the earth. We spend more time liking, scrolling, & subscribing than we do talking, laughing, and making memories together.
Let’s change that.
Let’s take out our headphones and take in our surroundings. Let’s lift up our eyes and build real life connections with each other. Let’s put away our screens and have meaningful conversations.
Let’s stop being distracted, and let’s start being deliberate. Instead of being alone, together–let’s just be together.
So, the Giants got killed last night and now tonight Aaron Rodgers went down with a potentially major injury after playing only 4 snaps. It’s been a rough couple of days for NY football fans. (it’s really NJ, btw)
Giants fans were in shock at the utter whooping their team received. They were supposed to be good this year.
Jets fans have eagerly awaited the debut of their newly acquired future first-ballot HOF quarterback and then he goes down after just 4 snaps with an injury.
Devastation across the board, but it only impacts you if being a fan is part of your identity.
If your mood, mental state, or general disposition is shifted by the outcome of a game in which you have no professional affiliation, then a piece of your identity is built on that team.
I think this is problematic.
You have no impact on the team’s decisions, you can’t change the way the team plays, and let’s be real, your day-to-day life is not naturally changed by the outcome of your favorite team’s games.
Why build any of your identity on something that you can’t control?
Funny enough, there are some who might be offended by that statement.
It’s very natural to feel offended, but that doesn’t mean it’s helpful.
Being offended falls under the umbrella of resentment. I’ve heard it said that resentment is “like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Taking offense isn’t too far off from this.
I believe it’s a two-pronged issue.
On one hand, taking offense doesn’t do anything to the person or thing that caused it. It only upsets the one who was bothered. It’s not often that someone offends someone and is then changed by the offended party’s displeasure with them.
On the other hand, offense is often taken by those who aren’t entitled to it. If a blogger wrote something that offended you, you wouldn’t really have any right to be upset about it. You don’t have to read their posts. You choose to. You can simply not read their blog posts.
Is it not a tremendous waste of time to get upset about something you didn’t have to?
It only hurts your own well-being. Don’t give it any free space in your mind.
There is, perhaps, a need to address the things that you find yourself offended by. If you just can’t get past it, then I would say it’s time to figure out how to, but this can and should be done without remaining “offended.”
I might explore this idea again at a later date, but since it’s 9 p.m. and I haven’t posted today’s blog yet, I’ll leave it at this.
Stop making decisions based on what you think others expect you to do.
Don’t go to college just because that’s what everyone else does after high school and “it’s your only option.”
Don’t go into finance just because that’s what your dad does and it “just makes the most sense.”
Don’t buy the fancy car that doesn’t fit in your budget just because your friends have nice rides and you “want to fit in.”
Don’t do anything “just because…’
Have real reasons for the things that you do.
Break free
Listen, if you actually want to do any of the things I mentioned above, absolutely go for it. I won’t stop you. You’ll find that I’m all for people making their own decisions.
I just want you to know you have options. You don’t have to live your life on autopilot. You can break free from the mold.
Why go to college?
Let’s focus on the whole college thing.
For basically your entire life, you’re taught that to be successful, you have to go to college.
Here’s the problem with that: it insists that success is encapsulated by this: graduate high school, go to college, get a job in your major, and serve your time there until you can retire.
Now, this is only my opinion, but there’s a lot that’s wrong here.
First of all, you can go get a “real” job and be great at it without a college degree. I don’t even need to pull a source to prove this. I’ve done it myself, and so have hundreds of others who went through Praxis. On top of that, there’s plenty of people who have carved their path almost entirely by their own doing. It’s clearly an achievable goal.
So already, we’ve eliminated the need for college if your goal is getting a job.
So, why go?
For the social life.
This usually refers to the party lifestyle that the college experience typically offers. That can be done without college. I personally believe it’s one of the worst ways for a person to spend their time, but nonetheless, it can be done without enrolling at a college.
You could move to a college town, you could go to house parties, you could go to bars/clubs…you get the point.
If you can get a job without a degree and you can get the social experience without college, why go?
To be honest, unless your desired vocation legally requires that you hold a degree to practice it, I can’t see any reason why someone would go to college. Yet, so many high school graduates still elect to pursue a degree.
Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the absurd amount of debt that you’ll likely collect. That’s not something to overlook.
Make the decision for yourself. Take a look at all of your options. Don’t let the pressures of guidance counselors and academic institutions push you into their groupthink machines without at least seeing what else is out there.
But look, If you’re definition of success is the one we outlined at the beginning of this section, then go for it. As long as that’s what you really want to do.
Changing the perspective on success
We haven’t even considered the fact that success might actually mean something completely different for you than what the “system” offers you.
What if you wanted to travel? What if you wanted to live by the sea and spend your days on the water? What if you wanted to do something different than the mob? Wouldn’t your definition of success be different from what we presented earlier?
If you got a job waiting tables at a little bistro in a shore town, made enough to have a place to stay, and all your necessities (food, water, bathroom, clothes, etc.), you could enjoy your life by the sea. If that life was your goal, you’d be a success.
But if you graduated high school, went to college, got a degree, and by chance landed a desk job, then by your standards you haven’t achieved success.
What a shame.
Because of the pressures of academia and culture, you give up your dreams for the sake of fitting in.
You seriously don’t have to do that.
There’s almost always a choice
The ball is in your court.
When it comes to how you spend your time, build your career, and how you define success, it’s all up to you. Embrace that.
Make the choices that best suit your goals.
Signing off
When it comes down to it, the choices you make probably have a very low chance of impacting me. So, I’m a pretty neutral party when it comes to your life and decisions.
I really just want you to know that you have choices. The manufactured path is not mandatory, but most people won’t tell you that. So, I’m telling you.
I will leave you with this:
You have options. Find out what they are and figure out which one is the best way for you to reach success. Don’t conform to what everyone else is doing.
We often operate in an authoritative mindset on topics that we have no business speaking on with such confidence.
A prime example? Self-appointed sports commentators.
I have read a regrettable number of tweets and Instagram comments that shared strong, and often uninformed opinions on sports organizations, players, coaches, etc.
These comments are usually fiery, often insulting, and spewed from thrones of self-declared credibility.
Most of these “analysts” have not spoken to anyone in the organization, yet somehow they know everything the GM is thinking. They haven’t interviewed players or studied their film, yet they know all there is to know about what’s wrong with a player’s mechanics. If a user like @joemama69 thinks that “player xyz” sucks and his career is over, then I guess someone better tell “xyz” to retire, right?
This, in my opinion, is a silly and low-importance problem. However, it points to a much broader concept: The Bravado of Passion.
The Bravado of Passion is the false confidence that is built on the foundation of strong feelings.
(Full disclosure: I just coined this term and I’m not even entirely sure it makes sense, but I like the way it sounds, so it’s staying)
Strong feelings do not give us the right to be an authority on a topic. Strong feelings may motivate us to become an authority on a topic, but they are not what qualifies us.
So then, what makes a person an authority on a subject?
Our culture has pushed the idea that kids should play sports no matter how poorly coaches perform or how poorly they treat their players.
This is nonsense.
We should absolutely be teaching kids to strive through adversity. We should absolutely teach them that there are hardships in life and you cannot simply quit.
However, the idea of enduring any and all things in a sport is not only kind of silly, but dangerous.
To insist that a child has to stick it out through anything and everything while apart of a sports team, is to also insist that the coach is always right, or has a bigger plan, or that he “knows better than you” so you just have to trust him.
Again, nonsense.
Coaches, and this may be a shocker, are mere humans. In fact, they are the same amount of human as each and every athlete that comes under their leadership.
So, when we tell children that their coach always knows what he’s doing, we are potentially sending the message that this person is perfect. Which is never true.
Often, coaches are wrong. They make mistakes, bad decisions, and justify actions and choices with faulty logic. Why? They are human. They are sinners, just like you and I, and we all need the saving grace that comes only through Jesus Christ.
I am sharing this not because I want to bash coaches, but because I want to share my concerns about the negative impact this mentality has had on so many of us.
I can speak first hand for my generation (that’s Gen-Z) and I can tell you that there are lots of people my age who have an unhealthy fear of people above them. Afraid to mess up. Terrified to disappoint. Incredibly worried about what might happen if they don’t do what their mom/dad/boss/friend/colleague/coach expects of them. This is not healthy. Nor is it fruitful.
So what happens as a result? Some accept it, and live their lives shaking in their boots all the time, trying their very best to please anyone and everyone.
Some reject it. They hate any kind of authority. They’re rude, disrespectful, and arrogant, and generally opposed to others.
So what happened to these people? A lying and deceitful fear crept in and seized power.
Both of these responses are versions of submission. Either way, the fear took control of their lives, the control just looks different for each.
Let’s not forget, this has also impacted coaches.
This isn’t a universal statement, but this lie has deleted the concept of accountability for many coaches.
Its given way to the growth of a false ego. This keeps coaches stagnant. They never improve.
This is such a disservice to coaches.
It’s also created separation between coaches and players. Often, players don’t know how to express concerns or healthy disagreement to their coaches because that’s not what’s been taught.
So what happens?
Coaches don’t improve. They aren’t humble. They can’t build true relationships with their players.
Under the guise of a pretend superiority, coaches remain unable to truly connect and improve because they aren’t able to be constructively criticized.
A leader who leads well, with confidence and sureness, but is also willing to be transparent, and open to communication, is an effective leader.
Now I know I’m new to this, and I’m admittedly not perfect at it, but when my wife expresses something that she believes I can do to love her better, I’m all ears.
Why? Because that is part of my life’s mission. If I can’t listen to my wife, how could we ever be successful as a unit?
If coaches can’t listen to their players, how could they be successful as a team?
If coaches can’t be steered in a better direction, how could they ever become a better coach?
Again, I am not promoting disrespect. I am merely suggesting that we create environments that improve the effectiveness of teams, and I believe this starts with a proper understanding of humility, respect for others, and awareness of where the line is drawn between adversity and ridiculous treatment.
Perhaps in another post, I will examine some tangible solutions to the problems I’ve noted, but for now, I think it simply looks like this:
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19)
A willingness to listen. A willingness to be humble, deny ourselves the pleasure of anger, and commit to improvement.
I am also not suggesting that I am an expert. I am open to disagreement, correction, debate, etc. So, please express any thoughts you might have on this, we may be able to learn something!
Also, please ask me about Jesus. This particular post isn’t biblically focused, but I am always willing to talk about who Jesus is, what He’s done, what the Bible says, why it’s relevant, why it’s true, why it’s good, etc.
John Ciannello 